please come you make the beer taste better
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
