She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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