id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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