I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
