i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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