thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
