I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i love accidental penises.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
