Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
