even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
