I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
