he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
