he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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