I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
