Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
