2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I forget how to act sober
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
