I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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