yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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