did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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