At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
