Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
