If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
