I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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