I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
