Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
