I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
