Just took my morning after pill in the library
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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