I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
