Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
