me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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