dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
