hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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