If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize