bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
