It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
