This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
