Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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