I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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