My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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