I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
God I need to hump something, right now.
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