she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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