Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
