My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
