Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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