I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
