Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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