Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
