now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
