I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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