i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
