There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
