i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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