You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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