TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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