beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
