so that wasnt chicken after all
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Randomize
