I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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