He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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