u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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