he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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