when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
