i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
