I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
