Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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