btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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