he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
