I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
