Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
