my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
