OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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