Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
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