All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
