So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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