Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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