To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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