You just made me feel so damn special
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
