you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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