And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
