Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
