It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
