Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
