I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize