i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
So much rum. So many feels.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
