i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
