when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
