this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
