I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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