my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
