I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
