Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
