the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Couch. On fire.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
