I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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