she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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