Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize