I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
