you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize