apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
