i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
