my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
