Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
