I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
