I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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