Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
